DISAPPOINTMENTS

For some reason, i really hate fortune telling, t0 the point that im really n0t into believing th0se things.

. And because of this, all of my plans have been disordered. Its been 19 years and its my first time to have fortune telled by my friend. At first, it was really meant for a joke or i was just playing games with him and i really didnt consider anything that will comes up with my so called "fortune"

. I dont want to elaborate all the predictions about my future that comes up but all i can say is s0me are realy.. really.. disapp0inting..

.

Way back when i was still in fourth year high sch0ol.. Mrs. Orden [ my teacher in religi0n/the0logy ] had menti0ned that believing in f0rtune telling is a sin. I forgot its name but i cab still remember that it is considered as a mortal sin.. And yesterday, when we went to church, i really say s0rry t0 God f0r relying everything in f0rtune telling.. i mean, i g0t s0 affected when th0se predicti0ns came up without reliable basis..

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I really dont want to believe in th0se predicti0ns, even my friend says that it is only our guide and its up to us whether we're g0ing to follow this or not.

But i really cant help n0t thinking about it.

Im really into the fact that "everything happens for a reason" and "everything happens is meant by God" ... shit! i've been living with this perception for almost 2 years and still i cant lived with th0se facts and i cant even apply it with myself.

Up to this very moment, im still wandering "when will i ever learn my less0ns?"

So many hurtful things had happened and still, here i am, learning n0thing. And when will i learn that "one is en0ugh?!"

haaaayyyy.. life is really hard t0 understand..

When he left me for s0me reas0n, i pr0mise t0 myself that what he did t0 me is en0ugh and n0 turning back.. But when he asked for a chance, i accept him open arms.

Its really n0t about him or ab0ut our realti0nship.. its about me wh0 never learned during the past..

I miss myself.. or let me say "THE REAL ME"

the unstable one.. one who have lots of pride.. who loves herself so much.. wh0's m0re attached t0 her friends.. who can let g0 in an instant [ the hell she cares ]

and one who can m0ve on in just one minute..

He had changed me alot that i can no longer identify if its still me or not.

He had changed me a lot that i cant even classify if its for the better or for the worst.

To the fact that im missing my old self.. i also miss the "OLD HIM"

He really changed a lot out of him. As of n0w, i can fully understand that "NOTHING IS PERMANENT, EXCEPT CHANGES.."

I kn0w my thoughts are not in s0 much order right n0w, but believe me, everything i have said are related to 0ne an0ther. There are still s0me that i cant say and i want it t0 keep it private..

Unforgettable...
Monday, December 5,12:36 PM